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L is for the way you LOOK at me…

Has your husband or significant other just stared at you? I am speaking of a deep penetrating stare which almost pierces the soul.

Every now and again, I will catch my sweet husband looking at me like this.  His eyes lock on me with such intensity I almost blush.  How can it be after three decades of marriage that my husband can feel this way about me?  It’s perplexing and yet comforting to know after all these years, it’s me he looks at like this.

Is there something more behind this “staring into each other’s eyes”?

Professor Arthur Aron, of the State University of New York at Stonybrook, has studied what happens when people fall in love and has found that simply staring into each other’s eyes has tremendous impact. In an experiment he conducted, Professor Aron put strangers of the opposite sex together for 90 minutes and had them discuss intimate details about themselves. He had them stare into each other’s eyes for four minutes without talking. The results? Many of the subjects felt a deep attraction for their partner after the experiment, and two even ended up getting married six months later.  (see complete article)

Before any of us get to this point, we must hurdle the lust (erotic pleasure) and attraction (love is blind) stages before we can truly encounter the staring into each other’s eyes deeply stage of attachment (love for the duration). However, what causes us to fall in-love?

What makes us fall in LOVE?

Within each of us lies a blueprint for love.  It’s different with every person, but what causes us to catch the eye of another?

APPEARANCE

While good looks may spark an interest (lust) in pulling two people together, surprisingly I learned the ultimate attraction to the opposite sex is that person reminds you of a parent or even oneself. Crazy, isn’t it?

PERSONALITY

Like appearance, common interests attract us to another such as likes, dislikes, sense of humor, … This trait is perhaps the first thing I’m actually more stimulated by than appearance.  I regard someone more handsome or beautiful because of their personality.  Are you like this, too?

PHEROMONES

The fragrance industry makes millions, perhaps billions, of dollars every year selling their seduction in perfume and cologne.  God gave us our own signature fragrance found in our sweat (urine,too) called pheromones. Pheromones create that animal magnetism in us. Now, I know why I’m drawn to my husband’s side of the bed when he isn’t there.  It’s his scent on his pillow and covers on his side which cause me to instinctively pull these things near me.  These scent ‘prints’ play an important role in love.

If blessed to progress to the attachment/commitment stage, remember love is unconditional. We love without bounds and can more readily withstand distractions which normally destroy a budding love. Interestingly, I discovered this …Studies by University of Minnesota researcher Ellen Berscheid and others have shown that the more we idealize the one we love, the stronger the relationship during the attachment stage.  Psychologists at the University of Texas in Austin have come to the same conclusion. They found that idealization appears to keep people together and keep them happier in marriage. “Usually, this is a matter of one person putting a good spin on the partner, seeing the partner as more responsive than he or she really is,” says Ted Huston, the study’s lead investigator. “People who do that tend to stay in relationships longer than those who can’t or don’t.”(read here)

Personally, I can say this above find totally applies in my life without embarrassment or apology. It’s simply the truth.  I know I idealize my husband, and perhaps he idealizes me, too.  All I know is what we’re doing for 30+ years is working.

Embrace the one you love without embracing, do a little eye locking instead – it creates a magical, love potion of sorts to span a lifetime!

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