L is for the way you LOOK at me
L is for the way you LOOK at me…
Has your husband or significant other just stared at you? I am speaking of a deep penetrating stare which almost pierces the soul.
Every now and again, I will catch my sweet husband looking at me like this. His eyes lock on me with such intensity I almost blush. How can it be after three decades of marriage that my husband can feel this way about me? It’s perplexing and yet comforting to know after all these years, it’s me he looks at like this.
Is there something more behind this “staring into each other’s eyes”?
Professor Arthur Aron, of the State University of New York at Stonybrook, has studied what happens when people fall in love and has found that simply staring into each other’s eyes has tremendous impact. In an experiment he conducted, Professor Aron put strangers of the opposite sex together for 90 minutes and had them discuss intimate details about themselves. He had them stare into each other’s eyes for four minutes without talking. The results? Many of the subjects felt a deep attraction for their partner after the experiment, and two even ended up getting married six months later. (see complete article)
Before any of us get to this point, we must hurdle the lust (erotic pleasure) and attraction (love is blind) stages before we can truly encounter the staring into each other’s eyes deeply stage of attachment (love for the duration). However, what causes us to fall in-love?
What makes us fall in LOVE?
Within each of us lies a blueprint for love. It’s different with every person, but what causes us to catch the eye of another?
APPEARANCE
While good looks may spark an interest (lust) in pulling two people together, surprisingly I learned the ultimate attraction to the opposite sex is that person reminds you of a parent or even oneself. Crazy, isn’t it?
PERSONALITY
Like appearance, common interests attract us to another such as likes, dislikes, sense of humor, … This trait is perhaps the first thing I’m actually more stimulated by than appearance. I regard someone more handsome or beautiful because of their personality. Are you like this, too?
PHEROMONES
The fragrance industry makes millions, perhaps billions, of dollars every year selling their seduction in perfume and cologne. God gave us our own signature fragrance found in our sweat (urine,too) called pheromones. Pheromones create that animal magnetism in us. Now, I know why I’m drawn to my husband’s side of the bed when he isn’t there. It’s his scent on his pillow and covers on his side which cause me to instinctively pull these things near me. These scent ‘prints’ play an important role in love.
If blessed to progress to the attachment/commitment stage, remember love is unconditional. We love without bounds and can more readily withstand distractions which normally destroy a budding love. Interestingly, I discovered this …Studies by University of Minnesota researcher Ellen Berscheid and others have shown that the more we idealize the one we love, the stronger the relationship during the attachment stage. Psychologists at the University of Texas in Austin have come to the same conclusion. They found that idealization appears to keep people together and keep them happier in marriage. “Usually, this is a matter of one person putting a good spin on the partner, seeing the partner as more responsive than he or she really is,” says Ted Huston, the study’s lead investigator. “People who do that tend to stay in relationships longer than those who can’t or don’t.”(read here)
Personally, I can say this above find totally applies in my life without embarrassment or apology. It’s simply the truth. I know I idealize my husband, and perhaps he idealizes me, too. All I know is what we’re doing for 30+ years is working.
Embrace the one you love without embracing, do a little eye locking instead – it creates a magical, love potion of sorts to span a lifetime!
Love is more than just a game for two
Two in love can make it
Take my heart and please don’t break it
Love was made for me and you
O is for the only one I see
V is very, very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that you adore can
Love is more than just a game for two
Two in love can make it
Take my heart and please don’t break it
Love was made for me and you
Love was made for me and you
Yes, love was made for me and you
Love is all that I can give to you
Love is more than just a game for two
Two in love can make it
Take my heart and please don’t break it
Love was made for me and you
Love was made for me and you
Love was made for me and you
20 Comments
cathykennedy
@321cc106f053765dff787c0bf5739462 It’s nice others can see the love two people share. Of course, he looks at you lovey-dovey even if you’re not in the kitchn. lol. I tease my husband about this. I’ll say something like “You’re only being sweet to me because your little cake maker (this is what he calls me sometimes – cute) won’t make you a ….” That’s not why he’s being sweet, but it’s fun to joke about it. He is absolutely the sweetest husband EVER. I got really lucky with him, and sounds like you got lucky with your feller, too.
Jenny Matlock
Oh Cathy! This was a wonderful link.
I think my husband mostly gazes at me with adoration when I’m cooking dinner…or ironing his shirts…
Sigh…
Okay, that’s probably not true.
A few weekends ago we were at my parents and my older sister got up and said, “Would you two stop looking at each other like that!!!” and left the room.
We all looked at each other in confusion.
A few minutes later she came back and said, “Okay, you guys have been married for 12 years now…isn’t it time you stop making lovey-dovey faces at each other?”
I didn’t even know we did that anymore…
But I guess we do.
So maybe he does look at me lovey-dovey even when I’m not making his favorite dinner!
This was a neat link! I really enjoyed this.
A+
Jingle
wow, what romantic and sweet l take.
amazing imagery, lovely poem.
Estherhunter
Hmmm! So interesting! I had just been trying to look more deeply into my husband’s eyes again. I think it does help strengthen that soul connection. Thanks for sharing and thanks for visiting my Rock4Today!
Jamericanspice
Very interesting post.
We rarely soul gaze (into each other’s eyes for long periods of time) but there are times I’ve caught him looking at me 🙂
Ahh the music!
lissa
and I thought it’s all divineness & fate, guess not.
Squirrelqueen
Well at least now I know my hubby and I are not being strange when we stare into each other’s eyes at times, we are perfectly normal and definitely in love.
Great post Cathy.
mom2kiddos
Okay…I just came back to this post and Disqus just came on. I left a comment in your bio page on your old commenting platform. Wonderful post here. Thanks for sharing this. I must now learn to idealize my partner more.
cathykennedy
@95ade9c2532f0a1f2dc7ffdc0874e3eb:disqus We are both blessed, then! You crack me up, though. 20 years of marriage is a nice accomplishment and he still has sweet things to say to you. That’s love for ya! Thanks for stopping by!
cathykennedy
@d7c4988cbe14a8ba619662fe2799dbba:disqus I had to laugh at your response. Thanks for putting a smile on my face. It’s okay, if you need to look away every now and then, as long as you’re give each other that attention. It’s beautiful!
Sue
Great post!
I love unconditional love!!
=)
The Desert Rocks
Very sweet and yes, my husband idolizes me and no, I’m not embarrassed and I don’t feel like apologizing for it. Do I idolize him that is the interesting question for me, because after all I’m being idolized and I don’t have to do much to gain his favor, his kind comments, his love or his stares. Now that I’m getting older (20 yrs of marriage), I’m actually unhappy with his stares while I’m eating, and he says…”I love watching you eat and you obviously don’t know what it’s like when someone truly loves you. Let me love you,” he says. Rolling my eyes, I turn away and shove some food into my mouth.
SaffronRoadJewels
My eyes dry out when I stare!
Rosalind Adam
Eyes are amazing. That cliche about being the window to the soul is so true. The worst look of all is the one that’s disapproving. I hate it when he does that… but I love that song. I’ve blogged about lyrics today so I will now post this and start to sing your song.
http://rosalindadam.blogspot.com/
cathykennedy
@google-83e0b18bb26e42526cccf885f97bf48c:disqus My husband tells me his heart tickles when he’s around me sometimes, which I think is adorable. To say my heart tickles or flutters, I don’t know. But, it does feel extremely giddy when I’m with my husband. Sometimes it will physically ache because I know he has to leave me, even if it’s just for the day. It’s kind of an amazing thing. Thanks for visiting!
TanyaH
Sweet! My aunt told me once that her heart would still start to flutter when her husband came home from work after decades of marriage! What an amazing event! Thanks for sharing!
cathykennedy
@google-36892dc3f9a0e10bba0df93480ae32f6:disqus Awww, thanks for such a fine compliment! I’m always inspired by none other than the LOVE of my life to write this post.
pj johnston
This has been my favorite post this week on AlphabeThursday. Unique, interesting, entertaining, thought provoking….all that AND a blast from the past with Nat King Cole!! I’m your newest follower.
Storybeader
a beautiful song. I need to take more time, looking at my DH! {:-Deb
Bungalow56blog
What a wonderful post. I’m so glad I stopped by. I had never read the theory about idealization and it makes so much sense. I always thought it was respect but idealization is a better descriptor.
Dana