I interrupt the regular program to bring you this special announcement….all routine posts for this month is preempted so I might be apart of the largest Blogosphere party ever. Normal posting will resume next month like clock work (I hope). Meanwhile, I invite you to stick around to enjoy the #AprilA2Z fun!
This song holds a special place in my heart cause he ain’t heavy, his my brother!
In the picture with me is my baby brother, JC. My grandma passed this photo to me. I forgot about it until recently when I stumbled across a small package she mailed me several years ago. Happily, I scanned the images to my computer for safe keeping.
That chair holds a very fond memory. I remember sitting in it mid-April 1966 with my face pushed against the glass anticipating my parents return home with a special present.
At the time, my grandparents lived in a little holler called Groundhog in Jolo, West Virginia. Their house sat on a small hill and the driveway was long. From that window, anyone could see who was coming to visit. I was antsy waiting in excitement to catch first glimpse of their car. I remembered the second I did I shot out of that chair like a cat on fire. Grandma heard the commotion and yelled for me to stay indoors, but I didn’t listen. I ran down the stairs, out the front door, and down the steep dirt road like a cheetah.
Breathlessly wearing a ginormous smile on my face and eyes bigger than the moon I wanted to see the gift they had in tow. Daddy presented a tiny wrapped form for a closer inspection. Mesmerized, I instantly fell in love with my baby brother.
We were close friends in our early childhood years. The age difference was felt by the time I reached my teens, but I was always played the big sister role looking after him. I married young and moved away. We weren’t super close as adults. Our personal lives took different directions, but I tried to build our relationship every chance I got through letters, cards, calls, and visits.
The road is long
With many a winding turn
That leads us to who knows where
JC turned his back on our religious upbringing. His rebel spirit clouded his judgement. He filled his life with bad habits and people. He was a good person. His soul was precious to God and me. There wasn’t a day or night I didn’t carry him in my prayers. At times, I would wake from sleep with JC on my mind. I always felt this was God’s way of saying, pray for your brother ~ he’s in trouble.
His welfare is of my concern
No burden is he to bear
You know the old saying, there are consequences to your actions? Poor decision landed him in hot water many times. During those years of insurrection, he was seriously injured by a hit and run driver (yes, we know who did this and was caught) messing up two vertebra in his neck. I’d like to say this was a wake up call for him, but it took several years afterwards before he began questioning his own mortality before reconciling with God.
The pain was excruciating. After exhausting all medical options, it was clear nothing more could be done. The injury was a persistent pain and it would eventually kill him. The doctor said he would likely suffocate in his sleep. However, that wasn’t his demise.
One evening after sharing a good time with his youngest daughter(DN#3) and wife something terribly went wrong. DN#3 went home for the night (long story short, my parents adopted two of his daughters). JC took a shower and settled on the sofa playing with his handgun. He loved to hunt. Guns were his passion. His wife left the room to start the laundry when she heard the gun discharge.
The unthinkable happened. JC shot himself. Intentional? I don’t know. Accidental? That’s what we hoped. It took the EMT more than an hour to arrive and by that time he was dead. The emergency vehicles woke my parents. The world came crashing down that night!
Alcohol, pain medication, and guns don’t mix well. None of us will ever know what happened in the last seconds of JC life. It’s not my place to second guess or judge.
Unlike past nights, when God woke me nudging me to pray for my brother, I did not get a wake up call that evening. I believe God uses bad situations, like this accidental shooting to allow my baby brother to slip from this life to the next. The pain was too great and it was simply his time.
If I’m laden at all
I’m laden with sadness
That everyone’s heart
Isn’t filled with the gladness
Of love for one another
JC is in heaven free of pain. One day I will see my brother again.
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother
Let’s get our minds off sad farewells and think happy thoughts, why not join me as I visit some super people taking part in this cool month long challenge!
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It’s such a blessing when our faith can sustain us in these times of pain and sorrow. All of us are in God’s hands. We are His children and he loves each of us unconditionally. I know “everything will work out” because God is in charge. Thanks for sharing your story with us.
I’m so sorry. That’s a terrible story. As for my opinion of suicide, I understand that when it’s too hard, sometimes people think that’s the only way out. It’s sad and tragic, but I’ll never condemn those who attempt it or succeed.
I’m so sorry, Cathy. God knew his heart and you will see your brother again.
Indeed, God knew his heart.
Sorry about your brother…I have a younger brother and pray for him all the time. As for suicide…that’s a tricky one. While I believe suicide is a sin, I also think that there must be something very mentally wrong for one to take his/her own life…it’s a sad thing. I think God has mercy on those who suffer so much that they see suicide as the only way out.
TheCyborgMom
I don’t think suicide is right, either. God understands all things and that’s all that matters.
Wow! As the tears flow, I listen to the song. I have always loved this song. Yes, my father committed suicide when I was but 7 years old. As kids we were told that he would not go to heaven because of this. I believe that God forgave him and I will see him again someday. However, with that being said, I have to admit how it pisses me off when someone commits suicide. It only ends THEIR pain and the pain of their loved ones goes on forever and ever!
Smidgen Snippets & Bits
Oh, wow! Your dad killed himself when you were so, so, very young! That had to be hard for you growing up. I have come to accept and am peace with what happened to my brother, accidental or not. I know one day I will see him again and find comfort in knowing he isn’t suffering anymore. His grown children miss him dearly, but wouldn’t want him back in his old body in horrible pain all the time, either.
Thanks for visiting my post and for sharing your story of your brother. So sorry for your loss.
Wow. What a bittersweet post. A beautiful tribute, but sad to hear how it ended. I don’t have any siblings. My cohort does, but she’s for lack of a better term ‘an awful human being’ so the family, as a whole, doesn’t talk to her anymore. Sounds harsh, but she’s done enough to deserve it and then some, trust me.
We’ve not lost anyone to suicide, and we hope we never do. All lives matter, and with the love of our families there’s nothing we can’t get through together.
That’s bittersweet, hearing about your brother. Excellent tribute and song choice.
Heading off line. See you later (smile).
Sorry for your loss. Hopefully he is in a better place. Small world I went to college in Southern WV. Glad to see you in the A to Z
Yep, he’s definitely in a better place! Really, you went to college in Southern WV? Did you attend Bluefield State, by chance? That’s where DH went to school.
Always loved the song and the sentiment. I have two younger brothers in TN (both over 50 so not all that young). After my Mom died last year I became the conservator and payee for my youngest who has been institutionalized for schizophrenia since about 1980. That song holds significance for me because of this.
Sorry about your brother. That’s a sad situation. I’m totally against suicide or euthanesia since I don’t feel like any of us have the right to take life that God has given.
I’ve had two uncles who killed themselves with guns–I think they both had cancer or some illness that was going to kill them. They were both fairly old when they did that. I also had an aunt who supposedly killed herself by carbon monoxide poison. I think she was only about 30 when that happened. There was always a mystery surrounding her death and suspicion that her husband really killed her, but that was never proven.
Good post for B.
Arlee Bird
A to Z Challenge Co-host
Tossing It Out
WOW, you can totally relate to this song in a very powerful way! Mental illness is difficult. My sister has had problems (Not schizophrenia, but I think she was diagnosed Bi-Polar) in this area on and off for the past 15 years. JC’s story is sad. I think there at the end more was going on than we knew. He told Grandma he found out his wife (the woman he regarded as his every thing) was cheating on him (with his closest friend) and was talking about leaving him. Let that rattle around in your head for a moment. I can’t tell you the suspensions that filled my brain after JC’s death. In fact, I thought for a long time to turn this tragedy into a fiction novel. One problem…I haven’t put thoughts to computer screen. *sigh*