What’s Happening to My Teeth, part 1

For months, I’ve struggled with posting one of my work-in-progress for audience feedback.  My manuscript is an early reader for ages 6-10.  I believe it can be read aloud to younger children with vivid illustrations to go with the story. Please take a few minutes to read part 1 and afterward kindly leave your constructive criticism in comments. Don’t worry you won’t hurt this gal’s feelings. Any critiquing I get I use as a learning tool. 😉

“MAMA,” a voice rang out through the house, “COME QUICK!”

“What’s wrong, darling?”

“Look, I can move my front tooth with my tongue! Do I have a disease?” Six-year-old Emily had recently learned what the word disease meant when the family’s old tabby cat got sick and had to see the vet.

By this time, Emily’s younger brother and sister came to see what the ruckus was all about.

Anna peeked around the corner. “Does it hurt?”

“Nope.”

Mama smiled. “No, you don’t have a disease. This is normal. All children your age begin to lose their teeth.”

“All of my teeth!”

“Oh, no! Not all at once. God allows them to come out one by one to be replaced with your permanent teeth.”

“Permanent teeth?”

“Like what Daddy and I have.”

“Will my friends laugh at me?”

“No, this is a sign you’re growing into a big girl.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“I want to be a big girl, too,” Anna said.

Mama patted her on the head. “You’ll get your chance before long.”

I appreciate your helpful suggestions that are sure to shape my children’s book appropriately with your participation.

  1. Is the dialogue believable between Mama and Emily?
  2. Can you see a six-year-old saying these things?
  3. What is your general sense of what you’ve read?
  4. How would change this, if it were your story?

(c)2011 Cathy Kennedy
All rights sole property of the author and is not to be reproduced without written permission.  Contact the author to get complete manuscript for publication consideration, please contact by email.

Have a terrific Tuesday!Save

Save

Save

Save

error: Please contact me for permission to download. Thank-you!!