Friday Sillies #17 Paranoid

In Tuesday’s post, I rambled a little about being paranoid. I’m not along.

www.savagechickens.com

10. You run away upon seeing a mall directory that says, “You are here.”

1. Thirty five locks on your sock drawer just aren’t enough.
2. You hire a private eye to keep an eye out on your house, but then fire him because he’s part of the conspiracy.
3. Before you take the garbage cans back from the street, you check them for really short Mafia hit men.

4. You are learning six foreign languages because you just know those people you don’t understand are talking about YOU.

5. You even wonder if the guard dog you hired is secretly plotting against you.

6. You have a funny feeling the voices in your head are plotting behind your back.

7. It takes you three hours each evening to program the household alarms and video surveillance system before you can go to bed.

8. You’re checking off each number on this list as you read.
   1. The Witness Relocation Program has told you to stop showing up unless you have an actual reason to.

Psychiatric Hot-line:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 4.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 1, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn’t matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.

Oh! Wait, it’s me who’s crazy, not you.blush That being said, just because you’re I’m paranoid doesn’t mean that they AREN’T after you me. shift eyes side-to-side =D

Have a wacky weekend, my friend!

If you weren’t paranoid before, are you now?